My Life Story

This is my life story as far as I can remember. I was born in the jungles of India. After I was born, the doctor called my relatives to tell them the good news. My parents thought it would be good to keep me in India cause they couldn't really handle taking care of two kids at the time. That and the fact that my brother was a cannibal and he always tried to eat me. So they decided to leave me with some trusty locals. These kind people promised that they'd raise me like one of their own and so I stayed in India. While I was there I made good use of my time. At first I thought the best career option would be Sumo Wrestling, seeing that I was a big fat baby. My second job was as a model for Baby GAP. That was going good till they caught me stealing diapers and baby powder. So I was deported to America.

When I got to the U.S., I finally met my brother after almost 3 years. Damn, what a nut case. Not only did he try eating me again, but he also thought that he was a prophet. Then he thought he was He-Man. But even weirder was when he pretended to be Santa Claus everyday for 3 weeks, in the middle of summer. Well, I tried listening to my mom and avoiding him whenever possible.

Things were pretty normal around my house. My brother and me got along well and we were happy. But we didn't have too many toys, so one Christmas, we prayed really hard for a good gift. And then on Christmas day, our parents said they had a special gift for us....we were going to have a baby sister. We had mixed reactions. I wanted to sell my sister at first, but after she stopped spitting on me, I learned to love the lil monster. And my brother...he and my sister got along Great.

The years went by and we all grew up. Nothing much happened. Same old, same old. Until a little while ago when I decided to take a big step in my life and get married. Here's a picture of me and my pooky together. After we settled down we had some children. I've been told they take after their father. They're great, but sometimes they get rowdy and I have to give them my version of a time out.

Just recently I wrote an article in the Inquirer based on how I felt about my family. They weren't too happy. But can you blame me? Everyday I have to brush my teeth and look over to see this guy. And I can't really have a good relationship with a sister who answers me like this. Well, they took it pretty seriously and took me to court, where after bribing the judge got me 3 weeks in jail. No matter how much I tried to stay away from the other prisoners, I found myself in....uncomfortable perDICUments(if ya know what I mean)....

And that's my life, so far.